Just Breathe

CONCIOUS REPENTANCE AND UNCONCIOUS HOLINESS…Wow… that’s good… I didn’t write, I stole it form Oswald Chambers. 

 How often, though, do we get it so completely backwards. Our minds and our actions, our entire lives, somehow subconciously get set to autopilot… we get busy with life; with filling up the gas tank and filling up the pantry, and we forget to live.  We forget that we are called to live a certain way and when we don’t, we are breaking the heart of our God.  We forget that God cares about our every day and our every moment.  We forget that He wants it all. We forget that He loves us so much.  We forget just how much He HATES our sin.  We forget to be sorry and, worst of all, we get sucked into the cycle of  UNCONCIOUS REPENTANCE and CONCIOUS HOLINESS… the EXACT opposite of how it should be.  We should never take repentance lightly, we should never put on a show of holiness.  We must conciously choose to repent, conciously beg God to convict us of our wrongs, conciously change our behaviors and our mindsets, and conciously start going in the complete opposite direction… that’s repentance and we must go about it conciously.  From there, He will produce holiness in our life and we will do and know nothing about it… that’s UNCONCIOUS holiness. 

I went to Bishop T. D Jakes’ church this past Sunday in Dallas and I am still almost speechless when it comes to putting the experience into words.  It was nothing short of amazing.  I learned more in that short 3 hours.  Yes 3 hours…for a church service… and we left before he was done… but I say “short  3hours,” because I feel like I learned more, was challenged more,  and my thoughts were stirred more during that short stint at  The Potter’s House than they have been in several, several months… and here’s why…

Because it was something so very different.    My personal experiences with Jesus have unknowingly gone from one extreme to the other since I moved form College Station.  I’m going to try and refrain from going off on a rant about the Christian sub-culture at A&M because I could talk on it for days and I don’t want to become cynical towards something that was so formative in my own life… it’s funny how it is only those things which we are the closest to that we can truly despise… we have to know something or someone very fully before we can despise it/them, you know… you would never get absolutely livid at someone who was a mere acquaintance, that type of rage is reserved for your best friends and your family… those you are closest to… wow..we are some messed up people!  Anyway, I say all that to say I have a constant love/hate relationship with the christian sub -culture at A&M because it was them that taught me the Christian-ese I now speak, yet despise… it was them that convinced me that this or that was dangerous for me, that is was going to draw me down a path of evil and despair, and now I can’t get their voices out of my head, they’re nagging judgements and wagging, accusing fingers are blocking out the view and the voice of my God… it was them that messed me up my thinking about love and romance and dating and flirting and marriage, I can’t listen to my own heart, because they grabbed a hold of it, held it so tight, squeezed it in the rhythm of the pulse THEY wanted it to have, instead of allowing my heart to beat with its own, unique,beautiful, God-given rhythm. I feel like a lot of people can share these frustrations with me.  They feel them towards their parents for raising them a certain way, or the church people they’ve encountered for treating them a certain way, or towards organized religion for saying certain things… I don’t know what your personal beef is, but we all have them… we’re so dang rich and lazy in America that we have time to sit around and get vehement about things… maybe we should just get rid of all of our technologies and higher-education and conveniences…. then we’d have to work all day to survive… and we’d be so dog-tired at night that we’d just go to bed instead of laying awake, staring at the ceiling, getting all angry and worked up about things…  that’s a whole other story… but anyway… I don’t know what your personal beef with religion or faith or whatever you want to call it it, but, know that we all have them… the agnostic, the homeless man on the street, the pastor, the guy on the corner screaming about the end of the world, the grandmother who goes to mass and says the rosary everyday… everyone has their personal beef with some aspect of something under the over-arching title of all things “spiritual”…it’s easy to get worked up and passionate about things of the spiritual realm because no matter what faith, religion, idea you are talking about… they all have to do with things that are not visible and things that are personal and things that go on in your insides, in that place where there are few adequate words for descriptions… because all things spiritual are invisible and internal, they are always open for speculation… there are far fewer passionate debates about whether or not the grass is REALLY green or whether we simply think it is green or why it is green… everyone can see it, everyone can describe, it, it is universally accepted… while it is interesting to think about why the grass is green and whether or not it is green or if we all see the same green, etc… it is simply that.. interesting things to think on… not something we will live our life by, that will affect us even beyond this life… 

Try something for me….Next time you go to pray, or talk about your faith, or get into a religious discussion with someone, instead of covering yourself with a blanket cliché, tell them what you really mean.  Nobody likes these clichés that we’re all in the habit of dropping everywhere.  Non-Christians think you sound ridiculous and Christians are not at all challenged by you because as soon as we all start speaking Christianese to one another, our brains shut off and we no longer have to think about the message being preached or the discussion being held.  We are all just droning on about this and that and no one is really thinking or listening or moving or growing. 

Like when you say “God provided,” did He literally open up the heavens and drop an envelop of money into your open hands.  When “He spoke” to you, did you hear an audible voice?  Could anyone else hear it?  Did He yell?  Whisper?Boom? Have an accent?  When ”God led you” in a certain direction or you “have a heart for” something or “just REALLY FEEL like” He wants you somewhere, WHAT DOES THAT LOOK LIKE? Use descriptive words to explain what your mind was doing when you had an encounter with God, what your insides felt like, how your body reacted.  Use analogies, metaphors, active verbs, descriptions…. its hard, you have to practice it, but it’s good for your spiritual health to stretch it and challenge it every so often! 

I’m not saying these things, these word and feelings, are untrue or that I’ve never used them myself.  That I’ve never fallen victim to the social epidemic of Christian word vomit.  That I’ve never, “ummm-ed” and “Father God-ed” my way through prayers while never once meaning any of them.   I’m just challenging you to think about it next time you use a Christian cliche.  What do you REALLY mean by that? 

Why not get in the practice of explaining these things from the outside in, because isn’t that how an outside world is going to understand where we are coming from?  Shouldn’t we practice using the language of the non-Christian to explain Christian ideas?  Shouldn’t we learn how to talk about our faith without using those words that hold so much negative connotation for those who don’t believe?  Maybe if we tried using their language, people would be able to understand the ideas that we are trying to convey to them!

I’m not saying your faith is weak if you have a severe case of cliche-vomit,  or that you should never use words like grace and salvation, etc.  Of course, you are going to use those words… they are the foundation of your faith! I’m just saying, THINK ABOUT IT, try it for a week…every time you use an overused Christian word, stop yourself and think, did I really mean that? How else might I have said what I just said?  Did I just sound like a mindless drone?!?!Obviously, don’t speak these thoughts aloud and FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT the urge to become stuck-up and judgmental towards those who do use those words so mindlessly. But, whatever you do, don’t be afraid to think and challenge yourself in this area because it is SO vital… however we communicate our faith is what people will judge our faith by.  Others can’t read your mind, so make sure what is coming out of your mouth is, in fact, the picture you want to paint of your faith!

Why “Just Breathe?” 

It’s one of those many things in life that is so simple but so extremely hard to find the time to do. Its one of those things we do all day but never REALLY do… here I go already, looking too deeply into something, but breathing really is somewhat of a microcausm for our whole lives… we spend our whole lives living but we very rarely focus on the fact that we are alive, very rarely take advantage of the fact that we have been given another day to live when so many others haven’t… that’s exactly what we do with our breath…. we walk around all day breathing, but rarely take advantage of how sweet a good deep breath can be… how refreshing and invigorating it is to feel as though your lungs are finally full… how sweet the taste and aroma of a good deep breath really is to your soul… We all need it.We all need to take the time to stop, even for just a millionth of a second, to savor a breath, to savor another day of life, to let our lungs fill, our shoulders drop, and our heads clear.  We all need it… I don’t care what religion, race, occupation, or political party you may associate yourself with… We all need to just breathe because the moment you stop breathing is the moment you stop living.   

When I say we “all” need this…I mean it in the very literal sense… all of us, President Bush, myself, the guy who delivers the mail, the girl in front of me in the grocery store, Oprah, the mom with 3 carseats in her mini-van swerving in and out of traffic, the guy who just bombed a huge presentation, the girl who just nailed her job interview, the kid who didn’t study for the big test… any of us, all of us… we just need to take a deep breath and quit taking ourselves so seriously. 

Live your life simply because you have been given another day to live.  Question.  Struggle.  Think.  Feel.  But never lose sight of the fact that you, for whatever reason, have been given today. Breathe deeply and live fully. 

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